Minggu, 16 Mei 2010

Kopi Luwak (Civet Coffee)

Kopi Luwak owns the title 'the most expensive coffee in the world.' It has a strong aroma, but is described as 'sweet' and 'smooth' by those who've tasted it. A mere 500kg of the beans are harvested per annum, so relatively few consumers can partake, even if they could afford it.

Figures available in 2008 show the beans as retailing at up to £300 a pound (½kg), with select restaurants (such as the Heritage Tea Rooms in Queensland) offering a steaming cup for 50 Australian dollars. If you just want to purchase a thoughtful gift for a loved one1, the Heritage sells these coffee beans in 1kg (2.2lb) and ½kg (1.1lb) bags.

Coffee

Coffee is the hot drink of choice for around half the world's population (the other half drink versions of tea). It's an important drink: many people feel they can't function without it. But most are probably happy with the best roasted version from their local supermarket, and are not dreaming of a mega-bucks caffeine fix. However, suppose you won the lottery or a long-lost uncle remembered you in his will - would you be tempted to fork out for a bag of the most expensive coffee beans in the world?

Before you splash out on the ultimate aromatic beverage, consider whether you'll be able to enjoy it when you learn how it gains its unique flavour.

Kopi Luwak

Kopi Luwak is roasted, packaged, sold, ground, brewed, then drunk. The most important part of the process, though, is how the coffee beans are - how to put this delicately - harvested. In parts of Indonesia, workers in the coffee industry (you could say they're at the bottom of the pile) have a very important job to do. They have to track down, following their noses no doubt, the rectal excretions of a native nocturnal animal called the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus), a mammal the size of a domestic cat. Asian Palm Civets are omnivores which are partial to small rodents (rats, mice and voles), large crunchy insects (cockroaches, locust, stag beetles, etc), fledglings (and bird eggs), and fruit, such as figs, rambutan and mango. They also like the sap from palm flowers, which, when digested, changes chemically (ferments) into an alcoholic liquid - so, yes, civets like to imbibe.

Another foodstuff which they consume is coffee berries. However, as most humans know, what you eat doesn't always agree with you, and you end up losing the undigested stuff, one way or another. The civet devours the coffee berries, but its digestive tract can't quite finish the process, so what's left is excreted as partially digested coffee beans along with a good dollop of civet diarrhoea.

Now that the animal has done its part of the business, along come the Indonesian workers to locate and collect the delicacy. A special scoop isn't needed - fingers can do the job much better; it's less fiddly and certainly quicker. Gathering up the exquisite excreta, which is worth its weight in gold, may be a messy job, but it's definitely worthwhile. All they need to do then is wash off the dung and what's left is pure gold - the coffee beans are ready for roasting.

The author of this Entry has done extensive research among coffee-lovers of her acquaintance, trying to find someone who has tasted this expensive beverage which first passed through the digestive system of an animal - and was willing to be quoted, even anonymously - to no avail. People who have partaken and written about it describe the drink's attributes thus: 'Earthy, musty, syrupy, smooth and rich with jungle and chocolate undertones.' All that remains is to recite part of the plot of a film in which Kopi Luwak plays no small part.

The Bucket List

Be aware: contains spoilers.

The 2007 Hollywood film The Bucket List, starring acting legends Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, is about two men who are both diagnosed with cancer. The über-rich Edward Cole (Nicholson) and cash-poor Carter Chambers (Freeman) first meet when they share a hospital room on the oncology ward. They begin to bond as friends when they receive an identical prognosis about their health at the same time. When Edward offers Carter a cup of his mega-expensive coffee, Carter asks what it is. Edward brags that it's Kopi Luwak, the most exclusive coffee in the world. Carter refuses, saying 'I don't drink that s***.' It isn't until the end of the film when trivia buff Carter enlightens Edward about the process which gives Kopi Luwak coffee its unique flavour and expensive price-tag that the viewing audience remember Carter's comment at the outset and join the two stricken men in laughter.

Who Tried it First?

It must have been a very brave soul who sifted through civet poo, washed and roasted the coffee beans, ground them, then diluted and drank the liquid before deciding it was good enough to market. Either they had divine inspiration or were of a perverse mind. It's more likely, however, that it's one of those cultural stories which pass through each generation, known and accepted by the local population, which probably wonders what all the fuss is about. A tribal chief and his hierarchy possibly passed a motion before revealing the secret to the world. We can only ponder what delicacies remain hidden from view.

1 Of course, if it's a spousal gift it could be grounds for divorce!

The Forbidden Coffee. Kopi Luwak. Don’t Call it Crappuccino

vacuumbrew
Flame On!

I promise I won’t make any idiotic, ass-inine poo-poo jokes in this article about civet cat crap coffee, better known as kopi luwak. Oopsie-poopsie, I already broke my promise! Poops! I did it again!

You can’t blame me. I mean, c’mon, I recently ingested coffee that was made from beans that came out of a civet cat’s ass. In case you missed that I’ll say it again — I drank coffee made from beans that a civet cat shat. Plus, I’m really immature. Plus, it’s just really fun to crack ca-ca jokes about this coffee all day long. Hey, I have earned this right (if you can call it that). I drank kopi luwak and all I got was this souvenir mug!

souvenirmug
Definitely Not Available at Starbucks.

As far as shitty coffee is concerned, I’ve drunk loads of it in my day. I’ve gulped down my fair share of instant coffee with powder creamer and sugar substitute in a Styrofoam cup. Everything about that cup of joe was fake including the drinker — me. I was living in Hollywood at the time and at the height of my shallowness. Those were the daze.

However, some of this shitty coffee I drank out of economic necessity because I was broke. I drank the coffee at my mechanic’s shop because—that’s right—it was free. I wasn’t even there for an oil change. Used 10W40 could’ve been gurgling in that coffee pot for all I knew but I wouldn’t have cared. I had absolutely no standards for my morning mug other than the price tag, that is, no price. And as the old saying goes: Beggars can’t be Venti Caramel Frappuccino drinkers.

But that was then and this is now. Beggars still can’t be fancy coffee drinkers, but if you’re an exotic food writer and don’t mind shitty coffee like me, you might be offered a $65 cup of kopi luwak for free.

What is kopi luwak? It’s the ultimate shitty coffee and the most expensive one to boot. Kopi luwak is a variety of coffee bean that literally is excrement from an Indonesian civet that the locals call a “luwak”. Indonesians call coffee “kopi”. Coffee from this animal is called “kopi luwak”. Simple as shit, right?

Just because I have no standards when it comes to coffee doesn’t mean that the little luwak kitty has none. Quite the opposite, the luwak is a fussy connoisseur of the coffee berry. It only chows down on the sweetest coffee berries it can find, and that sweetness, my friends, is passed on to the end user. I shit you not...but the civet cat will.

What else makes this coffee special beyond the sweet-ass beans is the special “processing” by the “manufacturer” with a unique fermentation process in the animal’s GI tract since the beans can't really be digested, kinda like corn kernals for people sometimes. Weirdly and nicely, my kopi luwak was paired with a small dish of pan-fried and salted peanuts. Peanuts? Dude, where're the doughnuts? But, you know, peanuts were surprisingly effective in bringing out the sweet side of the kopi. Salty and sweet. Yin and yang. I'm starting to get how the genius flows up in this coffee hizzy. Still, I was sniffing around for a maple bar doughnut. How 'bout just a doughnut hole?

As you can imagine, this sort of coffee is extremely rare and therefore ass-tronomically priced—it will lighten your wallet by about $65 per cup or $600 per pound.

There are soooo many questions that went through my head as I sipped on this caffeinated oddity, like: If coffee is considered a form of laxative, then what is kopi luwak considered? Redundant? Or, who was the first person to decide that this beverage was suitable for human consumption? And, how did this inspired decision come about? Was it a “happy” accident? Did his coffee bean fall into its feces like a foul Reese's Peanut Butter Cup fumble? And, finally, am I really going to drink this crap? Well, of course I am, but how’s it going to taste?

Honestly, it was the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. Like a mad scientist behind the coffee counter, J.C. Ho, owner and proprietor of Funnel Mill Rare Coffee and Tea, skillfully and precisely brewed this cup of kopi luwak making it rich and dynamic with sweet, bold and earthy tones. No ass aftertaste whatsoever. I even drank this cup of kopi black—like a real man. No cream. No sugar. Black as the hole it came from and I never take my coffee that way. It was extra smooth and quite delicious with a buzz so pure it seemed illicit. Now, I wouldn’t pay $65 a cup for it but I wouldn’t pay $150 a bottle for Dom Pérignon either. And I’d consider both of these beverages very good shit. I’m not a broke ass anymore but I guess I’m still a cheap ass.

Check out the video and the next time you’re at a Starbucks, ask for a tall kopi luwak and watch your barista lose his latté. Word to the turd.

Funnel Mill Rare Coffee and Tea
930 Broadway, Suite A
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Ph: 310.597.4395